Two years ago with Melvin and friends early Sunday morning after all-night party near Austin – dancing beneath the diamond sky.
(Random thoughts and random photos.)
For many years my Mom invited a former neighbor for Christmas dinner. She was very old and for several reasons had not aged well. One year I went to her apartment in a retirement home to bring her to my Mom’s home. I was kind of standing around inside, waiting, and I saw an old-timey photograph of a beautiful young woman – one of those old kind of sepia, soft edges photos and she was so beautiful. I asked, “Effie, who was that?” “Oh honey,” she said. “That’s me.”
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When I was working in hospice I would approach my patients from the perspective of first, any pressing problems or issues and second, as more than the person lying there in bed, so sick, dying. I would think of my patients as people with a lifetime of experiences – a little girl in first grade; a teenager, falling in love; a young man going off to war; a wife, a husband, a parent, a grandparent, a widow; someone who knew happiness, disappointment, love, loss, grief, just all the fullness and experiences of our lives. And then kind of loop that around to include in the now.
Sing our songs. We all want to sing our songs.
Given some openings and the ability, people would talk about their lives, how they met their spouse, their courtship, their children, their regrets, their hopes, their dreams realized and unrealized. Sometimes even their hopes for their (very short) future. Oh, I’ve heard some love stories!
What do people hope for at the end of life? First and foremost, people hope to be healed – and when there is no hope to heal the body, they/we hope for our hearts to be healed. For relationships to be healed. To be with loved ones. Sometimes there are words unspoken that need to be spoken. And it’s not always words of love and not always words of forgiveness. Because healing requires the truth – good and bad – the truth. We want to sing our song of our life.
And in the end, we can forgive ourselves.
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From the deck
Someone Jean had been in a relationship with long ago died last week. Fell down dead. Like Jean’s husband had. It hit her pretty hard. What a time of life this is! We’re all pretty much at the edge. Let’s enjoy it while we can.
Here’s to our youth, our hopes and dreams, and to our future.
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Leslie and I were in a car with some other people, pretty crowded, on about a one hour drive. For no apparent reason she was being hostile toward a man in the car. He wasn’t someone I particularly cared for, but I thought she was being a little extreme, putting the Evil Eye on him, truly. Later I asked her what was going on and she told me she didn’t like the man. I asked her if she had to be so overt. I remember that she just looked at me.
Some years later I learned that that man had repeatedly molested someone I knew when she was a little girl. I learned it from the person he had molested. Leslie did not know about this – but she knew something and it wasn’t good.
He broke the little girl. She was broken her entire life. You broke her, God-damn you.
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My last day of work and my last patient – who I first met years before in a desolate apartment when she had just come to the US. Frightened, hungry, overwhelmed. She’s much better now.
Through Facebook I’m in touch with a high school friend, Tim. We played golf together, went to the same parties, dated two girls (Claire and Martha) together from another school, and after high school we both went into the Marine Corps. The last time we talked we discovered that we had each had a spiritual awakening and had both ended up doing related work – he in substance abuse counseling and I in nursing.
And now Tim is posting photos of the Florida beach/ocean where he lives and I’m posting photos of the San Francisco Bay where I live – sunrises and sunsets coast to coast.
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What a fierce time of life this is. To some, we probably look like just more old people. That’s what we are, except no just to it. We loved, we love, we fought in wars, we stopped wars, we danced beneath the diamond sky, we were/we are beautiful, we were/we are hot, we created/we create, we took risks, we grieved; and we’re in challenging places and times. We’re close to death or worse. No one gets out alive. See us love, see us touching,
In our tent in Wyoming.
see us slow-walking across the street, see us in our beauty at the end of life.
Van Morrison: And we’ll walk down the Avenue again; And we’ll walk down the avenue and we’ll smile; And we’ll say, “Baby, ain’t it all worthwhile.”
Proverbs 31:25:
She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
Amen!
Charles,
This is very well written and tells us all to live and love while we can. It is people like you who awaken us to smell the roses. I too reconnected with Tim. Always thought he was a cool guy. Let us all enjoy each other
As always deep thoughts from Chas. Aren’t we fortunate to have been blessed with women who fulfill the scriptures. Leslie always was a good judge of people except in my case. ;/). Thought of you this weekend at the lake, remembering you camped out in the drainage swale. Good thing it didn’t rain. G 5 misses you, especially mike and me. BTW he bought a 1946 Chevy pickup—in RUNNING condition. Not his main wheels. BTW 2. Did you see we got a new minister? African American named Amos. Best to David and your main squeeze.
Beautiful choice of words Charles. As always you articulate what many of us are experiencing. Happiness to you and Jean❤️