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Vancouver, Big Sur, the girl with far-away eyes, Anna Madrigal

Redwood from our bed. At night the stars!
If you’re downright disgusted
And life ain’t worth a dime
Find a girl with far-away eyes
(Jagger/Richards)
—————–
Anna Madrigal at age 92: “Help me up, dear. Just for a second. While we still have the light.”
—————–
It’s been another almost indescribable time.
David and Charles flew Jean and me to Vancouver, BC. We stayed in a boutique hotel, the Opus in Yaletown, two blocks from the harbor. It was my first time flying first class and first time in a hotel like the Opus.
We walked all over town, visited some of Jean’s colleagues on Granville Island (island like a tribal gathering place – my tribe), went to the brilliant anthropology museum, hung out in good times at the botanical garden, visited a great little market (Vancouver is a seriously friendly place), hung out at the New Amsterdam Café, had meals beyond belief (I’ve never had a tasting menu before – Ay Caramba!), Had a lovely birthday dinner for Jean, and had wonderful, wonderful times together. I am deeply grateful to David and Charles for this. What an incredible thing to do! What a beautiful time!

David Kemp and Charles Kemp at Hawksworth in Vancouver

————–
Back to Bay Area, we spent the night in The City, then drove south toward Big Sur – driving along the highway listening to Astral Weeks, crying along the highway.
We stopped for Jean to say a prayer at Esalen where her husband’s ashes were placed six years ago.
In another time, in another place.
Big Sur
Then Jean and I met Steve and Susan, Andy and Marita, and Bob and Ann at a secret hollow space in Big Sur, where we slept two nights outside among the redwoods by a mountain stream, watched the shimmering light on the leaves, saw an incomparable sunset in good fellowship, had lovely meals in a clearing in the forest, hung out around an old table cross-cut from a huge redwood (it was cut long ago – the people who invited Jean are serious about preserving the wilderness), sat on a beautiful beach watching the sea otters, walked in the redwood forest, and became younger and more beautiful.
Golden land sunset over the beautiful Pacific
A woodland-nymph with far-away eyes
Lay me down
In silence easy
To be born again
To be born again
To be born again
In another world
In another world
In another time
Got a home on high
Ain’t nothing but a stranger in this world
I’m nothing but a stranger in this world
I got a home on high
In another land
So far away
So far away
Way up in the heaven
Way up in the heaven
Way up in the heaven
Way up in the heaven
In another time
In another place
In another time
In another place
Way up in the heaven
Way up in the heaven
We are goin’ up to heaven
We are goin’ to heaven
In another time
In another place
In another time
In another place
In another face
(Van Morrison)

While we still have the light



Love Wins!

Dyke March – Love Wins!
Originally posted June 2016. Re-posted July 2016

David and Charles, and Jean and I started Pride weekend with a birthday dinner for David at my apartment, including the last bottle of champagne from their wedding. There were tears for the 49 people murdered in Orlando. There were stories of David’s epic John Muir Trail trek, reminiscing, Berkeley, San Francisco, music, good food, just being together. It was a beautiful evening. 
The Dyke March started at Dolores Park on Saturday afternoon – a huge gathering of Shiny Happy People dancing, loving, laughing, being, and sweet, sweet vibes – including Jean and me. I’m blown totally away by this freedom and love vibrating through so many people. An unimaginably beautiful repudiation of hate and negativity and judgment. And an all-time great party! Jean pointed that this was a be-in. It was – a fine and true Human Be-In, a Love-In!
Dolores Park – Dyke March
We left the park before the march started. People were still just pouring into the park. We went back to my apartment, then met David and Charles on the corner, where we talked for awhile and a half block away Market Street was packed with marchers. We tagged on to the end of the march (Bom!) and I couldn’t stop dancing onward to Castro where these/us truly shiny happy people blocked the intersection of Market and Castro to dance and talk and BE and the police stood back and gradually the crowd dispersed. It was intense.
The end of the march
Sunday we went to a Pride Parade viewing party above Market Street. There were lots of people and drinks, food, music, two men in brief briefs dancing on tables. On the street below the parade kept coming and coming and coming. We went out to the street to be closer to an endless stream of people saying again and again “No!” to oppression and fear and prejudice and all of that.
Saying again and again Love is Love is Love is Love – there were Dykes on Bikes, SF Lesbian and Gay Freedom Band, Cancer Survivors (one sign said “Fuck Cancer” and another said, “I Don’t Have Nipples” – cheers of love all down the street), Transgender Veterans, Age On (“Life’s a Stage”), Oakland Fire Department Stands United With Orlando, Naked and Sacred, Google, Apple, “Eat me – try Vegan,” Facebook, Oracle, (“Be proud of who you are”), all the tech companies, Walmart(!), a gay couple who had been together 50 years, Lesbian and Jewish/Gay and Jewish/Bi and Jewish, Muttville Senior Dog Rescue (“Muttville Pride”), and so deeply moving – all the flags of the countries of origin of the people killed in Orlando. And more and more and more…

And as they kept on coming, there was a growing sense of overwhelming power and Love is Love is Love is Love is Love!
On the train (N Judah) back to the apartment a bunch of people piling in at the Montgomery stop and it’s getting very crowded and one of the people who just came in has a cool little music player with decent bass and the music starting and 4-5 people dancing on the other side of the couple kissing and kissing next to us and the guy with mental illness getting really excited, laughing and yeah, me too. This IS the train. (Everything happened exactly as described, but it’s also allegorical.)
Charles Kemp and Jean Cacicedo
The Sunday afternoon at the end of Pride, Jean and I went to Duboce Park a half block from the apartment to take a nap, lying on sarongs under a tree in shifting sun-dappled shade with a background of happy voices, laughter, N Judah train rumbling past, music somewhere up the hill, leaves in the wind, bouncing ball, opening my eyes seeing four people playing a gentle game of bocce – “O00hhh,” they were saying when someone made a good throw – and 20 feet away a woman dancing barefoot in the grass, breastfeeding her baby.







Duboce Park

Curriculum vitae Charles Kemp

ALL of this is out of date, because I’m out of date… retired… hanging out in NorCal. But it’s nice to look back. My greatest (non-personal) accomplishments were the changes I helped make in people’s lives. Of course Leslie was my guide and inspiration in this.  

Charles Kemp, RN, FNP, FAAN
FNP-C, Baylor University
CRNH, Certification in Hospice & Palliative Nursing (expired 2002)
M.S.N., University of Texas at Austin
B.S.N., Baylor University (magna cum laude)
Employment & Related
Senior lecturer and clinical instructor, Louise Herrington School of Nursing, Baylor University. Classroom and clinical courses include community health, physical assessment, psychiatric nursing, hospice care, communications, nursing fundamentals, and RN bridge course. Also see Community Development and Scholarship sections. 1989-present (senior lecturer May 2000). Retired.
 
Family nurse practitioner (volunteer), Agape Clinic. Provide primary health care for underserved patients in inner-city setting and coordinate clinic services. 2000-present. Retired.
Development Consultant, self-employed. Services included agency and board development, planning, research, grant-writing, education, related activities. $1,000,000+ in grants awarded in twelve months. 1988-89.
 
Lecturer and Clinical Instructor, Texas Woman’s University. Courses included community health, psychiatric nursing, hospice care, nursing fundamentals. 198l-88.

Volunteer in various roles with hospice patients, refugees and immigrants, children who were abused, and other people and situations. 1978-2016.
 
Hospice Director (founding); Clinical Specialist, Visiting Nurse Association of Dallas. Responsibilities included carrying out the base community assessment; planning all administrative, clinical, and educational aspects of the hospice program; implementing the program; and evaluating the program. Also provided patient care and community education. Please see grants section of c.v. 1978-81.
 
Supervisor, V.N.A. Responsibilities included clinical and administrative supervision of professional staff. 1976.
 
Staff Nurse, V.N.A. Responsibilities included patient assessments and care; clinical supervision of non-professional staff. 1975-76.
 
Other employment: While employed at T.W.U., worked during summers as Director of the Dallas-Fort Worth Refugee Interagency (twice), and as Hospice Staff Nurse.
Scholarly Activities
Books
(2006) with T.S. Kwan-Gett & C. Kovarik. Infectious and Tropical Diseases: A Handbook for Primary Care. Philadelphia: Elsevier Science. Available at Amazon, B&N, & Elsevier.
 
(2004) with L. Rasbridge. Refugee and Immigrant Health. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. Amazon, B&N, & Cambridge.
 
(1999). Terminal Illness: A Guide to Nursing Care (2nd ed.). Philadelphia: Lippincott-Williams & Wilkins.
 
(1999) with L. Rasbridge. Refugee and Immigrant Health (A manual). Austin: Texas Department of Health.
 
(1995). Terminal Illness: A Guide to Nursing Care. Philadelphia: J.B. Lippincott.
Web Sites (all Baylor and Agape sites down)
(2007). with J. Dailey & J. Smith. Burma Refugees. Available http://agapeclinic.googlepages.com/burma_refugees
 
(2001-2005). Agape Clinic/Baylor Community Care. Available online: http://www3.baylor.edu/~Charles_Kemp/agape.htm
 
(2000-2005). Terminal Illness: A Guide for Patients and Families. Available online: http://www.baylor.edu/~Charles_Kemp/terminal_illness/Terminal_Illness.htm (Sponsor: Louise Herrington School of Nursing at Baylor University)
 
(2000-2004). Infectious Diseases of Refugees and Immigrants. Available online: http://www.baylor.edu/~Charles_Kemp/Infectious_Disease.htm (Sponsor: Texas Department of Health)
 
(1999-2005). with L. Rasbridge. Refugee Health. Available online http://www.baylor.edu/~Charles_Kemp/refugee_health.htm (Sponsor: Texas Department of Health)
 
(1998-2001). with L. Rasbridge. Asian Health. Available online http://www.baylor.edu/~Charles_Kemp/asian_health.html (Sponsor: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office of Minority Health)
Book Chapters
(in press). Promoting healthy partnerships with refugees and immigrants. In E.T. Anderson and J. MacFarlane (Eds.), Community as Partner (5th ed.). Philadelphia: Lippincott, Williams & Wilkins. Revised from previous editions in 2004, 2000, & 1996.
 
(2007). Culture and spiritual care at the end-of-life. In K. Kuebler (Ed.), Palliative and End-of-Life Care Textbook for Advanced Practice Nurses (2nd ed.). Philadelphia: Elsevier.
 
(2006) Spiritual care in terminal illness. In B. Ferrell and N. Coyle (Eds.) Oxford Textbook of Palliative Nursing (2nd ed., pp. 595-604). New York: Oxford University Press.
 
(2006). Anorexia and cachexia. In B. Ferrell and N. Coyle (Eds.) Oxford Textbook of Palliative Nursing (2nd ed., pp. 169-176). New York: Oxford University Press.
 
(2004). Six stories in S. Hudacek (Ed.), Making a difference: Stories from the Point of Care, Vol II. Indianapolis: Signma Theta Tau.
 
(2004). Promoting healthy partnerships with refugees and immigrants. In E.T. Anderson and J. MacFarlane (Eds.), Community as Partner (4th ed.). Philadelphia: Lippincott, Williams & Wilkins. Revised from previous editions in 2000 & 1996.
 
(2004). Grief and loss. In K.M. Fortinash & P.A. Holoday-Worret (Eds.), Psychiatric Mental Health Nursing (4th ed.). St. Louis: Mosby. Revised from 1-2 editions in 2000 & 1996.
 
(2001) Spiritual care in terminal illness. In B. Ferrell and N. Coyle (Eds.) Oxford Textbook of Palliative Nursing. New York: Oxford University Press.
 
(2001) Cachexia and anorexia. In B. Ferrell and N. Coyle (Eds.) Oxford Textbook of Palliative Nursing. New York: Oxford University Press.
 
(2000) Refugee and immigrant health in community nursing. In E.T. Anderson and J. MacFarlane (Eds.), Community as Partner (2nd edition). Philadelphia: Lippincott, Williams & Wilkins.
 
(1997) with G. Davis and P. Thai. The Baylor Community Care Program. In S.D. Seifer and K.M. Connors (Eds.), A Guide for Developing Community-Responsive Models in Health Professions Education. San Francisco: Community-Campus Partnerships for Health.
(1996) with G. Mallon-Frank. Grief. In K. Fortinash and P. Holoday-Worret (Eds.), Psychiatric-Mental Health Nursing. St. Louis, MO: C.V. Mosby.
 
(1996) Refugee health and community nursing. In E.T. Anderson and J. MacFarlane (Eds.),Community as Partner. Philadelphia: J.B. Lippincott.
 
(1986) Cambodian refugee health project. In Community Based Nursing Services: Innovative Models (pp. 12-16). Kansas City, MO: American Nurses Association.
Articles
(2005). Living as a refugee. Health Messenger, 28, 2-11 (extracted from the mental health chapter in Refugee & Immigrant Health). I am proud that this work was selected by the editorial committee of Health Messenger and the Mae Sot Clinic, which serves Burmese refugees on the Thai-Burma border. The article is in Burmese and English.
 
(2005). Cultural issues in palliative care. Seminars in Oncology Nursing, 21, 44-52.
 
(2003). Community health nursing: Where we are going and how to get there. Nursing Education Perspective, 24, 144-150.
 
(2002). with S. Bhungalia. Culture and the end of life: Major world religions. Journal of Hospice and Palliative Nursing, 4(4).
 
(2002). with B-J Chang. Culture and the end of life: Chinese. Journal of Hospice and Palliative Nursing, 4(3), 174-180.
 
(2002). with A. Roberts. Infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants: Hookworm. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 14(5), 194.
 
(2002). with D. Henry. Culture and the end of life: Nigerians. Journal of Hospice and Palliative Nursing, 4(2), 111-115.
 
(2002) with A. Roberts. Infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants: Viral hemorrhagic fevers. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 14(4), 146-149.
 
(2002). with S. Bhungalia. Culture and the end of life: (Asian) Indian health beliefs and practices related to the end of life. Journal of Hospice and Palliative Nursing, 4(1), 54-58.
 
(2001). with L. Rasbridge. Culture and the end of life: East African cultures-Part II, Sudan.Journal of Hospice and Palliative Nursing, 3(4), 110-112.
 
(2001) with A. Roberts. Infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants: Giardiasis. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 13(12), 532-533.
 
(2001). with L. Rasbridge. Culture and the end of life: East African cultures-Part I, Somalia.Journal of Hospice and Palliative Nursing, 3(3), 59-61.
 
(2001). Bioterrorism: Introduction and major agents. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 13(11), 483-491.
 
(2001) with A. Roberts. Infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants: Filariasis. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 13(9), 391-394.
 
(2001) with A. Roberts. Infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants: Echinococcosis (hydatid disease). Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 13(8), 346-347.
 
(2001). with L. Rasbridge. Culture and the end of life: East African cultures-Part I, Sudan.Journal of Hospice and Palliative Nursing, 3(3), 110-112.
 
(2001) with A. Roberts. Infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants: Ebola and Marburg hemorrhagic fevers. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 13(7), 291-292.
 
(2001) with A. Roberts. Infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants: Dengue fever. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 13(6), 243-245.
 
(2001) with A. Roberts. Infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants: Chagas’ disease.Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 13(4), 152-153.
 
(2001) with A. Roberts. Infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants: Brucellosis. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 13(3), 106-107.
 
(2001). with L. Rasbridge. Culture and the end of life: East African cultures-Part I, Somali.Journal of Hospice and Palliative Nursing, 3(2), 59-61.
 
(2001) with A. Roberts. Infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants: Ascaraisis. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 13(2), 55-56.
 
(2001) with A. Roberts. Infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants: Amebiasis. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 13(1), 8-9.
 
(2001) with A. Roberts. Infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants: Introduction. Journal of the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners, 13(1), 7-8.
 
(2001). Culture and the end of life: Hispanic cultures (Mexican-Americans). Journal of Hospice and Palliative Nursing, 3(1), 29-33.
 
(2000) with L. Keovilay & L. Rasbridge. Culture and the end of life: Cambodians and Laotians – Health beliefs and practices related to the end of life. Journal of Hospice and Palliative Nursing, 2(4), 143-151.
 
(2000) with A. Dinh & L. Rasbridge. Culture and the end of life: Introduction (to a series) and Vietnamese health beliefs and practices related to the end of life. Journal of Hospice and Palliative Nursing, 2(3), 109-117.
 
(1999). Metastatic spread and common symptoms: Pancreatic, prostate, stomach, and uterine cancers. American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care, 16(5), 664-672.
 
(1999). Metastatic spread and common symptoms: Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, oral cavity, and ovarian cancers. American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care, 16(4), 607-615.
 
(1999). Metastatic spread and common symptoms: Lung cancer, melanoma, and multiple myeloma. American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care, 16(3), 533-540.
 
(1999). Metastatic spread and common symptoms: Renal cancer, leukemia, and hepatic cancer.American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care, 16(2), 479-486.
 
(1999). Metastatic spread and common symptoms: Breast cancer, colorectal cancer, and esophageal cancer. American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care, 16(1), 403-411.
 
(1999). Nguyen v. The State. The Forensic Echo, III(4), 2-3.
(1998) with L. Keovilay. Laotian health care beliefs and practices. Lao Vision, 2(1), 24-26.
 
(1998). Metastatic spread and common symptoms: Introduction, bladder cancer, and brain cancer. American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care, 15(6), 355-360.
 
(1997). Palliative care for respiratory problems in terminal illness. American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care, 14(1), 26-30.
 
(1996) with S. Bailey, P. Bennett, J. Hicks, and S.H. Warren. Cancer detection activities coordinated by nursing students in community health. Cancer Nursing, 19(5), 348-352.
 
(1996). Managing chronic pain in patients with advanced disease and substance-related disorders. Home Healthcare Nurse, 14(4), 255-263.
 
(1996) Islamic cultures: Health care beliefs and practices. American Journal of Health Behavior,20(3), 19-25.
 
(1995) with L. Stepp. Palliative care for patients with acquired immunodeficiency disorder.American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care, November/December, 14-29.
 
(1994). Spiritual care in terminal illness: Practical applications. American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Care, September/October, 31-36.
 
(1994) Community health clinical experiences: The primary care setting. Public Health Nursing, 11(1), 2-6.
 
(1994) with M. McEwen. Teaching strategies for operationalizing nursing’s agenda for health care reform. Nurse Educator, 19(1), 10-13.
 
(1993) with R. Bowie, G.K. Cooper, and J. Lothrop. Preparing for death: A Christian guide for individuals and families. Dallas: First Presbyterian Church.
 
(1993). Health services for refugees in countries of second asylum. International Nursing Review, 40(1), 21-24.
 
(1991). Writing successful grant proposals for services to clients. Nurse Practitioner, 16(11), 51-56.
 
(1987) with J.N. Walterspiel and J.R. Rogers. Coin rubbing and acute phase reactants. (letter)Australian Pediatric Journal, 23(12), 309-310.
 
(1987) with P. Drapo and C. Patrick. Addressing the needs of underserved populations. Public Health Nursing, 4(4). 231-236.
 
(1987). Basic counseling skills: the refugee client. Summary of Proceedings from the Conference on Refugees and Mental Health. Texas Department of Mental Health and Mental Retardation, Austin, Texas.
 
(1985). Cambodian refugee health care beliefs and practices. Journal of Community Health Nursing, 2(1), 41-52.
 
(1978). The dying process. Proceedings of the Sixth Annual Nursing Research Forum. Dallas: A. Webb Roberts Center.
 
Papers (not including talks at various universities, hospitals, etc., e.g., UT Austin, UTSW Medical School, Baylor, NTSU, UT Arlington, TWU, BUMC, Parkland, Children’s, etc., etc.)
(2007) with M. Abbe, N. Avila, J. Pham. Including immigrants, minorities, and refugees: Lessons learned from the Agape Clinic (invited paper). YMCA Expo 2007: Engaging Newcomers (national conference). Dallas, Texas.
(2006) with L. Spies. Emerging infectious diseases. American Academy of Nurse Practitioners National Conference, Grapevine, Texas.
 
(2006) with C. Kovarik. Agape: The development and sustenance of an inner-city mission clinic. American Academy of Nurse Practitioners National Conference, Grapevine, Texas.
 
(2006) with M.A. Faucher. Beyond Sick Care: Strategies for Health Care in Primary Care for Immigrants & Refugees. National Primary Care for the Underserved Conference, Philadelphia.
 
(2006). Infectious diseases in patients from Latin America. National Primary Care for the Underserved Conference, Philadelphia.
 
(2006). Refugee and immigrant health: Current issues. Resettlement Conference. Phoenix.
(2004). Culture & the End-of Life: Selected Issues. Web presentation. Hospice & Palliative Nurses Association.
 
(2003). Community Health Nursing Education: Leadership and Development Roles. American Public Health Association Annual Meeting, San Francisco.
 
(2001) with A. Pappas. CHN Education: A Path to the Future (Operationalizing AACN’s Position Statement on Nursing Education). American Association of Colleges of Nursing Baccalaureate Education 2001 Conference, Washington, DC.
 
(2000) with D. Gurica. District health: A model for community health service and education. American Public Health Association Annual Meeting, Boston.
 
(2000). Infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants. Texas Department of Health Refugee Health Conference, Austin.
 
(1999). The refugee health site: Development and use. Texas Department of Health Refugee Screening Conference, Dallas.
 
(1998). Hospice care for Muslim patients and families. National Hospice Organization Annual Symposium, Dallas.
 
(1998). with E. McKinnis. Lung cancer: Natural history and symptom management. National Hospice Organization Annual Symposium, Dallas.
 
(1997). Cancer screening among Southeast Asian refugees: The role of students. Annual Meeting of the Oncology Nursing Society, San Francisco.
 
(1996). Community Care: Nursing students providing district nursing services. Paper presented at Community Partnerships in Health Professions Education: A National Conference on Service-Learning, Boston, Massachusetts.
 
(1996). Breast cancer screening among Southeast Asian refugees. Paper presented at the annual Susan G. Komen Foundation Affiliates Meeting, Dallas, Texas.
 
(1995). Hospice: Current trends and implications for public health. Paper presented at the annual Texas Public Health Association Meeting, Austin, Texas.
 
(1995). The community health clinical group as district nurse. Paper presented at the annual Texas Public Health Association Meeting, Austin, Texas.
 
(1994). Community development. Paper presented at the annual Texas Public Health Association Meeting, Corpus Christi, Texas.
 
(1994). Islam: Influences on health care beliefs and practices in Islamic cultures. Paper presented at the annual Texas Public Health Association Meeting, Corpus Christi, Texas.
 
(1993). with S. Beasley, R.W. Bell, L.M. Duckworth, A Gibson, and J. Weese. Baccalaureate nursing students and Kurdish refugees in the U.S. Poster presented at the annual Global Health Conference, Galveston, Texas.
 
(1992). with M. McEwen. Operationalizing ANA’s agenda for health care reform in a baccalaureate nursing program. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the American Public Health Association, Washington, D.C.
 
(1991). Hospice care for Southeast Asian refugees. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the National Hospice Organization. Seattle, WA.
 
(1990). Grants and power. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the National Nurses Society on Addictions, Dallas, Texas.
 
(1990). Grants and the money to make dreams reality. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the National Association for Home Care, Dallas, Texas.
 
(1987). Refugee psychosocial issues: The refugee pediatric oncology patient. Paper presented at the annual Children’s Medical Center/American Cancer Society Symposium on Pediatric Oncology Patients, Dallas, Texas.
 
(1986). with S.J. Todd. Primary care for Cambodian Refugees. Paper presented at the Eleventh National Primary Care Nurse Practitioner Symposium, Denver, Colorado.
 
(1985). Human needs and funding shortages: Program development strategies. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the American Public Health Association, Washington, D.C.
 
(1985) An allied health professions response to refugee health problems. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the American Society of Allied Health Professions, Dallas, Texas.
 
(1985). Community networking. Paper presented at the National Workshop of the Association of Junior Leagues, Irving, Texas.
 
(1985). Infant mortality in Southeast Asian refugees. Paper presented at the Regional Conference of the U.S. Public Health Service, Dallas, Texas.
 
(1984). Refugee and immigrant health. Paper presented at the annual Community Health Institute of the National Association of Community Health Centers, San Antonio, Texas.
(1984). Building a hospice team. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the Texas Hospice Organization, Dallas, Texas.
 
(1984). The TWU refugee health project. Poster presentation at the annual meeting of the American Nurses Association, Kansas City, Missouri.
 
(1984). Family planning and health care for Cambodian refugees in the U.S.: an international perspective. Paper presented at the international meeting of the National Council on International Health, Washington, D.C.
 
(1983). Cultural characteristics of Cambodian refugees. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the American Public Health Association, Washington, D.C.
Community Projects (sole or primary responsibility for planning, implementing, and/or obtaining funding)
Community Care: District health services through Baylor University School of Nursing and community agencies. Services include community outreach, a primary care clinic, home care, lay health promoter training, social work, chaplaincy, and other services. The Agape Clinic is central to these efforts – see grants below.
 
Vietnam Veterans Resource Center: a resource/service center for veterans of Vietnam.
 
Welcome House: a “halfway house” for refugees arriving in the U.S.
 
T.W.U. Refugee Health Project: a clinical for community health nursing course. This project was integrated with the Welcome House, Khmer Community Development Project, and East Dallas Health Coalition.
 
East Dallas Health Coalition: a primary care community clinic. Many community organizations were involved. EDHC is now a multipurpose health center open seven days/week with primary care services for adults, pediatrics, women’s health services, dental care, and WIC.
 
Khmer Community Development Project: a multi-purpose project to benefit Cambodian refugees. (National Council of Jewish Women project).
 
V.N.A. Home Hospice: the first operational hospice program in Texas. This hospice had the largest average daily census in the U.S., and was designated a national demonstration project.
 
Since 1982, averaged about 10 community conferences, workshops, or presentations per year for such organizations as Parkland, Children’s Medical Center, Dallas City and County Health Departments, Child Welfare, U.T. Southwestern, Dallas Police, MH/MR, and others.
Grants Received (primary author – average around $100,000/year when writing)
Funding for services and programs of the Agape Clinic, 2000-2006: Numerous private and public foundations, churches, and other entities.
 
Funding for community health education, 2003-2004: Aetna Foundation.
 
Funding for the salary of a lay health promoter, 2000, 2001, 2004: First Presbyterian Foundation.
 
Medications, equipment, and supplies for Baylor Community Care, 1996-2000: First Presbyterian Church of Dallas.
 
Funding to develop a web site on infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants, 1999-2000: Texas Department of Health. See web sites above for path/address.
 
Funding to develop a Refugee Health web site, 1997-98: Texas Department of Health. Extended through 1999. See web sites above for path/address.
Asthma equipment and services for underserved community patients (of the East Dallas Health Center), 1999: Communities Foundation.
Education and services for Asian refugees, 1997-2000: U.S. Office of Minority Health.
Funding for summer services (1996, 1997) through Baylor Community Care: Bob Smith Foundation, BUMC Foundation, private gifts.
 
Equipment for Baylor Community Care, 1995: Communities Foundation.
 
Alcohol/drug abuse prevention for homeless children, 1989-91: Office of Substance Abuse Prevention, 1989-1992.
 
HIV prevention for IV drug abusers, 1989-91: Centers for Disease Control.
 
Amerasian Project, 1989: InterAction (branch of U.S. Department of State).
 
Vietnam Veterans Resource Center, 1988: Welcome Home Foundation.
 
T.W.U. Refugee Health Project, 1987: City of Dallas.
 
Welcome House, 1984: Hunt Alternatives Foundation.
 
Welcome House, 1984-86: Highland Park United Methodist Church; other churches.
 
Khmer Community Development Project, 1984-86: National Council of Jewish Women – funding and services of a volunteer coordinator (part of T.W.U. Refugee Health Project).
 
Dallas-Fort Worth Refugee Interagency operating funds, 1983-86: Various churches.
 
Dallas-Fort Worth Refugee Interagency operating funds, 1984-85: Church World Service.
 
Community Family Planning Outreach, 1983: Anonymous foundation.
 
East Dallas Health Coalition seed funding, 1982: Temple Emanu-El – funding + involvement of the Temple Emanu-El Social Action Committee in developing the East Dallas Health Coalition. This proposal was also used for successful proposals to Hillcrest, Hoblitzelle, Meadows, and other foundations.
 
Hospice Services and Equipment, 1979: Dallas Junior League.
 
Hospice Demonstration Project, 1979-82: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
 
Hospice Services and Equipment for Indigent Patients, 1979-80: Several churches.
 
Hospice Demonstration Project, 1978: Texas Department of Human Resources.
 
Other grants: Consulted on or participated in the writing of a number of other successful proposals.
Honors and Awards
Abner V. McCall Humanitarian Award – Baylor University, 2006
 
Faculty Award for Excellence – Elsevier Science (national award), 2006
 
Outstanding University Scholar, Baylor University, 2006
 
Fellow in the American Academy of Nursing, 2002
 
Margaret Stein Award for Outstanding Service in Community Health (national award), 1999
 
Outstanding University Lecturer, Baylor University, 1997
 
Outstanding Community Volunteer, DISD
 
Outstanding Community Volunteer Award, DFW Vietnamese Community
 
Golden Rule Award, J.C. Penney
 
Presidential Citation, Vietnam Veterans of America
 
Special Award for Service, D.I.S.D.
 
Outstanding Volunteer, Volunteer Center/ARCO
 
Other recognition from the Dallas Police Department, Dallas County Historical Society, D.I.S.D., Weed & Seed, Baylor, and State of Texas
 
Magna cum laude graduate of Baylor University
 
Alpha Chi
 
Purple Heart Medal and other decorations, United States Marine Corps, Vietnam
Community Activities
Work as a volunteer with individuals and families in hospice and in the refugee community since 1978
 
Agape Clinic, founding member of governing board, vice chair, 2002-2003; chair, 2003-2005; volunteer, 2001-
 
East Dallas Health Center, Chairman of Community Advisory Committee, 1998-1999; Vice Chair, 2001-2002
 
Church Health Ministries, member of Community Advisory Board, 1997-2000
 
Open Ring church school class of First Presbyterian Church of Dallas, President, 2001-2002; 1994-1995; Vice President, 1993-1994
 
Turtle Creek Health (HIV services), President of (founding) governing board, 1994-1995
 
Refugee Services of North-Central Texas, Executive Committee of Board of Directors, 1990-1994
 
Planned Parenthood of Greater Dallas, Board of Directors, 1987-1989
 
East Dallas Y.M.C.A., Advisory Board, 1988-1989
 
East Dallas Health Coalition, (founding) Executive Committee of Board of Directors, 1983-1988
 
Dallas-Fort Worth Refugee Interagency, Executive Committee of Board of Directors, 1984-1987; President of Board, 1986
 
Dallas Refugee Council, Advisory Committee, 1984-1987
 
Brookside Neighborhood Association, Board of Directors, 1983-1985; Vice President, 1990-1993
 
Advisory or other non-governing participation in a variety of other organizations

More Love, more Pride

I walked to the Memorial corner of Castro and 18th Streets (where people create memorials to loved ones). The corner and then some filled with memorials to the 49 who were murdered in Orlando. I thought about choices and toughness in the LGBTQ world. Who would choose to be denigrated, discriminated against, hated, brutalized, murdered? In the face of hatred, the choice is to Love, to Dance, to Be. Lots of tough customers in this community! More Love, more Pride!
You can stand me up at the gates of hell, but I won’t back down.
This is where my son and his husband live. It’s where I live. More Love, more Pride!

Dear Anthony

Congratulations, Anthony
Jesuit Preparatory School, 2016

Dear Anthony,

Congratulations! What a job you’ve done! And look what lies ahead! I am proud to know you and your family. 
I want to share some things that were helpful to me in one way or another along the way toward graduating magna cum laude from Baylor.
Background: from middle school through high school and into college I was a terrible student. When I applied to Baylor, I had a 1.7 GPA – proof of my poor performance in school. The Dean at Baylor gave me a list of prerequisites and told me to come back if I could make straight A’s in those subjects. She was surprised when I showed up a year later with all A’s in chemistry, biology, anatomy, physiology, and so on! What helped:
  • Never missed a class, was never late, always sat up front, and paid total attention in class. I was unafraid to ask questions during or after class – or before the next class. 

  • As soon as possible after every class I recopied my notes (adding material from texts if needed to help me understand). In this manner, I heard the material, wrote the material, and rewrote and started integrating the material. It was like pre-studying for tests. I don’t know how I would interact with a computer or PowerPoint in this process – maybe read carefully back through notes and use text to add to them? I don’t know.
  • Changed my handwriting from scrawlish to as neat as possible.
  • Treated school like a job – I worked at it from 8am to 5 or 6pm. I didn’t take long social lunches, but I always ate lunch and didn’t study while eating. I also took other breaks and changed my study locations during the day when I started getting sleepy. In

    undergraduate school I took most of most weekends off; in graduate school I had to work harder – that was a 6-7 day/week job. 

  • Group projects are a fact of life. And there are always people who don’t do their part, are late, and are otherwise non-productive. Be assertive in identifying smart, motivated people (they’re often quiet people) and connecting with them to work together. This is an important skill.
  • Often studied with other people – again, choosing carefully. You’ll make good study connections over time.
  • Avoided situations and people who wouldn’t help in my journey. I don’t mean I didn’t help other people; I did. But I avoided people who were unmotivated, drinkers, stoners, gamers, and so on. I went out some on weekends, but it was not one big party. I actually had a very good time in school, and have been having a good time ever since. 
  • I recall seeing some legitimate research showing that students who worked part-time in college tended to do well – working apparently does not have an adverse effect on grades.
  • Always bought used books. If it’s such a great book and worth the high price charged for new, you can always get one later.

Garden at Road’s End, outside Fort Bragg

Being a good student is hard work and the rewards are many. You get to learn a lot, test yourself, spend time with smart people, meet new people, see new things, and open up your life in other unanticipated and wonderful ways.

School can be a gateway to an amazing life.

Last love letter

This was the last love letter I sent to Leslie – just under three months before she passed away, more than 50 years into our relationship.
When we first started work with refugees
Dear Leslie
Written in the car parked in front Of Lucky Dog Books (Paperbacks+): I’m driving along through Hollywood Heights. Stopped at an intersection and flashed on someone running the stop sign and running into me. Listening to U2 – songs of mercy (who sings about mercy?), sorrow, joy, transcendence – Mothers of The Disappeared, Miss Sarajevo, One Love.
Leslie at memorial for Feather, hand in hand with
Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence at Duboce Park
Oh Leslie. I’m thinking how you and I have lived The Dream. Our whole lives working for a better world, for justice (you’re a warrior, no doubt), for suffering people, for beauty – living a world of love, navigating our way through what I truly believe were the most incredible times in history – civil rights, women’s rights, sexual revolution, psychedelic revolution, gay rights/marriage equality and the list goes on and we were there/we are here, together, each in our own way, making it happen.

January 2015, San Francisco
And now, whatever it is that’s happening is as mind-opening as anything that went before. I feel kind of like you’re taking us on a ride and I’m in awe. Not always an easy ride LOL. I feel zero need to label it or do anything other than experience it and I love thinking about it.
Leslie in a jeep in Burma, on the road to Maymyo
About the fact that he and I were warriors and then psychedelic, and now dancing beneath the stars, Jeff says in that hard voice, “There ain’t many in this class.” And I say about your and my individual paths and our paths combined where we did IT ALL, “There aren’t many in this class.“ Few have done it as fully as we have.
So I thought about a car slamming into me and I thought, if I die today, I AM fulfilled. And I thought, if we never have sex again, I AM fulfilled. I hope none of this happens for a long time, and I know, backslider that I am, I’ll be grumbling again before long. But the bottom line is – and I’ve said this before – Thank you for this astonishing life. It’s been everything I couldn’t have even imagined.
Beep-Beep! Here she comes!

A beautiful person (looking into her mind), beautiful people

“We are to love in deed and truth, not just word and speech … we ought to lay down our lives for one another.” Dan Foster
(Some of the below names are changed for confidentiality.)
3/19/2007 – An email from Leslie to Diane & Marisa
Hi friends,
Maryam was discharged today about 1:00. I saw her yesterday and had a long visit + began trying to make arrangements to have A____ (brother) admitted at Green Oaks as his condition continues to deteriorate. Maryam and Nabilah both want him hospitalized and put back on his meds but he has continued to refuse to go into the Baylor ER altho staff have assured the family that he would be admitted. I did not go to the apt today as they were waiting for the Hospice Nurse so I don’t know if Nabilah and her husband who arrived yesterday were able to take him to Green Oaks after I left yesterday- that was their plan when I left about 4:30.
Leslie in her office, 1982
So see how this sounds for a plan:
Tomorrow while Nora and I finish with patients and close the clinic, maybe the 2 of you could visit her and see that everything is in place with Hospice (I have the # for Vitas but don’t know what Social Worker and Nurse are assigned). I will plan to go on Friday and over the weekend. We need to visit whenever we can- she has begun to have increasing symptoms as the cancer spreads throughout her body. Two days ago, she began having severe pain in her right leg, a result of it spreading to the bones in that leg, and yesterday she began to have difficulty swallowing. So Min predicts that she has only a short time (when pushed for an estimate, she told me 4-6 weeks and maybe less). As the cancer progresses, Min says that she will decline rapidly so we need to schedule ourselves to go by any day we can. If we share and you take Thursday/Friday beginning next week, I’ll take the rest. It is a great comfort to both Maryam and Nabilah to have us so I think we must do whatever we can.
I’ll bring the phone numbers and address tomorrow and we’ll work out the details. Diane, Maryam loved the flowers that you brought and tells me often how much she loves us.
If either of you are praying people, now would be the time. My heart breaks for this family, scattered all over the world, who in the end don’t even have their Muslim brothers and sisters to support them. To my knowledge (and Min’s) there has only been one visitor from the mosque in Richardson and that was at least 2 weeks ago. Of course, we haven’t discussed the irony that this beautiful Muslim girl would die surrounded by a Jewish Dr., his Hindu Nurse, a fellow wounded soul from Burma and her Christian friends from Agape.
I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for your help.  

Leslie

——————–
We ought to lay down our lives for one another
Lay down our lives for one another
Lay down our lives
For one another

More on grief, bereavement, war, bread, randomness

(Some of these photo are unrelated to the words. They’re just pictures I took.)
——————- 
Part of my problem is that I had it so good for so long.

Baked October 2015. Rustic sourdough
with pecans, currants, cinnamon (part of my therapeutic work)

——————
Let us be kind to one another, for most of us are fighting a hard battle. Ian MacLaren
——————
One of the things I taught in hospice training and courses on hospice and palliative care was that each of us goes through the processes of dying, grief, etc. in different ways, at different speeds, in different cycles – and different at different times for the same person. It’s yet another example of the truth of, “It varies.”
——————
Seven months into this bereavement I looked at some of what I’ve written in the past about grief. I haven’t looked before now because I thought it best to experience whatever/however it is, without being influenced by external things, such as my own and other people’s previous thoughts about grief.
1967, a beautiful little town in Vietnam
Overall, I seem to have done a good job writing. So far, I like most the grief and bereavement chapter in my first book (1995). How can I “like” what I’ve written about grief? Mainly I like it because it’s accurate and helpful, at least for me. There are a few things I would change in what I wrote, but overall, pretty good. Grief WORK includes the following “tasks of bereavement” – each and all to be worked through again and again and again and…
  • Telling the “death story” and recounting the story of the illness (It’s not that you want to…)
  • Expressing and accepting the sadness
  • Expressing and accepting guilt, anger, and other feelings perceived as negative
  • Reviewing the relationship with the deceased (the really good part for me, usually)
  • Exploring possibilities in life after the death
  • Understanding common processes and problems in grief
  • Being understood or accepted by others

Baby playing by Carroll Street, 1982
I like that in that chapter I wrote about the potential for grief to “precipitate great personal or spiritual growth.”
I see myself working slowly through all of these tasks, but I’m not seeing much in the way of “growth” LOL. It’s a hopeful thing to see that I’m somewhere along the road in each “task.”
I get to easier places of not so much sadness and I get a little strength and kind of take on the next thing. Like today, writing to Dr. Lichliter (first draft). This was the first time I wrote about that last night.
——————-
Phana (age 3 or 4) and me, 1985 or 86
I was in New Mexico to see Jim and Elisabeth a few weeks ago. The day I left, Katy had us over for breakfast (Thank You!). As we left her home, she was talking about attending a ceremony in the next weeks. The last thing I remember her saying was something like “… figuring out what to do with the rest of my life.” Good question!
——————-
I’ve baked bread twice in about the past week. The second time was mainly for gifts. Both times I baked rustic sourdough – plain, with cheese, and with pecans, currants, sugar, and cinnamon.
——————-
la rue sans joie, civilian bus blown up by VC mine
In the last post I wrote about war. A little bit more now – about places. I was at the DMZ (Deckhouse/Prairie), Dodge City (Thuy Bo), Con Thien (outside the wire, but I’m counting it), Gio Linh, Highway 1 (named by the French, the Street Without Joy), Khe Sanh, Lang Vei (How about that! I have several non-violent stories about being there.), Hue (before the bad time), Quang Tri (before the bad). I also spent a total of about four weeks in the rear at Danang and Phu Bai, also a few weeks at Dong Ha in the semi-rear.
———————
One thing I do is get out every day – usually twice/day. My main places to go are Central

Never too young to start smoking, I guess

Market and Whole Foods. Places with people around. More days than not I spend time with a friend or John (Thank You, Everybody!). Yesterday I went to WF twice – the first time was really good – I ran into someone I think highly of (hospice and mental health social worker from San Francisco). Also a friend from the festival scene, and there was a cute baby who gave me all kinds of smiles and a ~12 year old girl who had such a sweet smile I literally laughed out loud. The second time at WF was also good. I realized today that I could hang out in the café area inside or out and read. So I read for about an hour on the patio.

At Hill Fights, 1967 – wounded waiting for medevac
Look at how dirty their shirts are – that’s not just sweat

I thought going to church today would be a nice opportunity to connect. The sermon was on the Song of Ruth, which was one of the last things I said to Leslie – wherever you go, I will go… So I connected to the grief, my grief. It was a tough one. At least we didn’t also sing In the Garden or That Old Rugged Cross. I went to Open Ring and spent some time with Dan Foster, so that was wonderful
———————
Things happen, like the Song of Ruth sermon or when I finally started on income tax, couldn’t find everything, and called Social Security re how to get papers related to Leslie and was told to bring our marriage license to the SSA office. Oh. So I’ll be going through things like birth certificates, marriage license, photos, other things from a sweet past life… 

Leslie in Yoeun’s apartment on Carroll Street


Photo: Leslie in Yoeun’s apartment on Carroll Street. Leslie went places not many people went. People would wait on her, knowing that whatever it was, Leslie would fix it.

A screw-up, getting it right, lost, good things, a knight and a girl, song across the river…

Last night I was thinking about how my parents always said I was undependable – couldn’t be trusted – and they were right, where they and their deals were concerned, like school and family things. I was a screw-up.
Angel at La Boulange October 2014

And I thought about how for the rest of my life I’ve been completely dependable – a go-to, get-it-right person – in the Marine Corps/in combat, in rock-climbing, in hippie culture, in my marriage, with my son, in hospice, in the barrio/with refugees, in taking care of patients as a nurse practitioner, in the community…

This was actually a huge revelation for me.
————
A month or so ago I had a conversation with a woman working at Trader Joe’s. It turned out that she had spent a year traveling in Asia, studying Buddhism – on a pilgrimage. Today I was in Trader Joe’s and chose her line. She said she remembered me and I told her I remember her – and in fact, have a small gift for her, but didn’t bring it. She said I would remember it when the time was right. I said, I dunno. She said to have faith in myself; and then told me that yesterday she felt lost and so wrote down some positives in her life (that’s one of her practices).

Street of Dreams, Hue 2005


The day before the above conversation I said to Phana, “Sometimes I feel lost… not in geography, but emotionally.” Yesterday I posted this in my blog: “(a few weeks ago) I was some sad the past few days. It began to lift as we drove on I30 today. I realize now that part of the problem was likely that for several days I had abandoned the practice of each evening writing down three good things that happened that day – because so much good is happening. Ha! So much good, so much sad.”
————–
So that was one good thing!

Goldy, David, Judo about 2005

Breakfast with Ron Cowart was good. He has been a significant source of support –
I read a good book.
Had a very nice dinner with Shirin yesterday evening – good time, good food.

Contact with David every day…
————–
The first time I understood about sexual abuse was at the Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Transitions workshop in 1978. A young woman talked about having been repeatedly molested by her mother’s boyfriend with her mother present… The woman was talking about this for the first time. She was filled with pain and shame and loathing. I was staggered. I had no idea. It’s not like I really understood, but I did get a clue.
————–

Welcome!

Monday
I was thinking this might be a difficult day. But it wasn’t all that hard. I kept thinking about why aren’t all the beautiful times Leslie and I had together enough. I don’t know. But I do know how infinitely grateful I am that I never held back telling Leslie how I feel – how I adored her, how much fun she was, how pretty she was, how I respect her, how I love her – all those kinds of things. Other good things that happened today:
Went to the gym for what I call a sedate workout.
David and Leslie, Hue, 2010

Did a complete clean of the kitchen, breakfast room, and back bathroom.

I asked my next-door neighbor for a recommendation for a place to tune a bike that’s been sitting in a shed for 2+ years. He said he’d do it – as a gesture of thanks for all the cookies I’ve given him.
I received a surprise package from Amazon. It was a CD (Shaina Noll, Songs for the Inner Child) from Elisabeth in New Mexico! 
I’m rereading Between Two Fires by Christopher Buehlman. The author sent it to me after he read something I wrote about the book – I posted the following on September 2, 2013:
A book about a knight and a girl
CK at DMZ, 1966

When I got to the end of the book, Between Two Fires, by Christopher Buehlman, I actually cried – not a common response from me. The book is about a knight and a girl during the plague years. Though there are many differences between us, I identified more strongly with the knight than any (literary or living) character I’ve encountered in many years. He had been stripped of his knighthood, excommunicated, and had lost his home and family. He joined a band of brigands and was wandering the countryside, stealing and killing. The bandits came upon a girl at a farm where everyone else was dead. Some of the bandits were getting ready to rape her, but the fallen knight killed them. He and the girl then set out on a quest, for what they didn’t know.

They journeyed through the plague-decimated countryside and towns guided by the girl’s visions. Along the way people helped them and hindered them and gradually, they encountered greater and greater evil. There were temptations and fear and pain and love and joy. In the end, there was a terrible battle, then peace; there was redemption.
It blew my mind the extent to which I identified with the knight, though I haven’t lost anything close to what he lost, nor done what he did. But I have been on noble quests; I have faced death squarely in battle and elsewhere; I’ve defended the defenseless, been face to face with evil, tried hard to do the right thing, had visions/followed visions. I have been redeemed.
Tuesday
Stung Sankae – Battambang

Over the past few years I’ve gotten into the habit of making coffee in the evening and putting it into the refrigerator and then in the morning, having coffee as I awaken. This morning I was playing Songs for the Inner Child (CD sent by Jim and Elisabeth) as I had my coffee. I was reminded of one evening in Battambang, looking over the Stung Sangkae  (a river running through the edge of town) and hearing a woman somewhere across the river singing in a beautiful voice into the mystery of the Cambodian night…

Gym, 30 minute workout.

Elisabeth in Santa Fe, 2015

Thinking back on Jim and Elisabeth’s visit to San Francisco. You can tell a lot about people when things don’t go exactly as planned, e.g., a long bus trip to a long walk to an underwhelming destination, followed by a long wait for the next bus. Fine, no prob. Alright! The three of us connected during those days – the connections were/are deep.

How could anyone ever tell you
You were anything less than beautiful
How could anyone ever tell you
You were less than whole
How could anyone fail to notice
That your loving is a miracle
How deeply you’re connected to my soul…

David, my beloved Son. What peace and love you’ve given to me. 

Books for David

I have a lot of books – several thousand, several walls of them. About 35 of these are in a section I told David I’d like for him to keep after I die. Here is what’s there.


The Hill Fights: The First Battle of Khe Sanh (Edward F. Murphy). I was in the Hill Fights (168 KIA, 1000s wounded). Hidden away in all the struggle in the book a guy described something I did, so that was nice to read.

Refugee and Immigrant Health (Charles Kemp and Lance Rasbridge). Lance and I (not to mention Leslie!) spent countless hours in the streets and apartments of Dallas’ refugee neighborhoods. We wanted to tell some of the stories of the remarkable people we worked with in the bad old days.

Dispatches(Michael Herr). This is a real book about combat in the world’s first rock & roll war. Guns up! Balls to the wall mother-fucker.

Street Without Joy (Bernard Fall). Fall was the preeminent French scholar of the Vietnam War. He also wrote Hell in a Very Small Place, about Dien Bien Phu. I spent a lot of time on and around la Rue Sans Joie, where Fall was killed in 1967.

I Remember Nothing More (Adina Blady Szwajger). A book about the Warsaw (ghetto) Children’s Hospital. “…a testament to the workings of humanity in an era of unfathomable evil.”

The Norton Book of Modern War. British ditty from WWI: “The bells of hell go ting-a-ling for thee, but not for me…” I have a lot of books on war. I didn’t set out to do that. I just pulled together the most important books to me and many of them turned out to be on war.

Barrack Room Ballads (Rudyard Kipling). This is the book where (the road to) Mandalay is found. The last time we were in Burma we went to Moulmein, in large part, for me to sit where Supi-yaw-lat (the girl in the poem) sat “…lookin’ eastward to the sea” and when I looked to the west I saw the damp dirty prison where the donkey cart driver who took us up the hill had been tortured. His wife was a doctor, so I gave him several courses of levofloxacin as a gift to her.

We Were Soldiers Once…and Young (Harold Moore and Joseph Galloway). The Battle in Ia Drang Valley (LZ X-Ray). One lesson is never let the enemy cut your column. They tried to do that to us in our first operation at the DMZ, but couldn’t.

Never So Few(Tom Chamales). This is the only book Chamales wrote. It’s about guerrilla warfare in Burma in WWII. I think I first read it in high school – I learned a lot about being the kind of man I am from this book.

Cambodge(J.P. Dannaud). The “essence du Cambodge” in photos and words, from the 1950s. I spent a lot of time looking at the photos in the early 1980s, but the words are in French, so I missed >95% of that part.

The Stones Cry Out: A Cambodian Childhood, 1975-1980 (Molyda Szmusiak). “That night Robana, Ton Ny’s six year old sister, had a dream in which she saw someone very like an angel who carried an armful of five lotus blossoms and spoke to her. ‘Don’t be afraid, my little girl, I’m keeping your mama with me. But you shall go on living’ … the first to die were the two five year old twins, three days apart, lying silently on a bamboo pallet; then two other brothers… then…”

In Hue, beautiful Hue


Terminal Illness: A Guide to Nursing Care (Charles Kemp). I worked in hospice 1978-1981 (Director, Clinical Specialist), then taught undergraduate and graduate courses in hospice and palliative care – and most of the time was seeing someone as a volunteer. Several publishers wanted this book; I chose Lippincott because they were Bernard Fall’s publisher.

Amazing Dope Tales (Stephen Gaskin). Stephen was my first teacher. This book isn’t aboutpsychedelics; it is psychedelic.

How Can I Help? Stories and Reflections on Service (Ram Dass and Paul Gorman). The book answers the question of the title, mindfully, humbly.

Monday Night Class (Stephen Gaskin). Excerpts from Stephen’s Monday Night Classes. “It answered all my wishes and all my childhood dreams, and it gave me everything I wanted.”

Night(Elie Wiesel). Nazi concentration camps. “That night the soup tasted of corpses.”

Up Front(Bill Mauldin). Text and amazing illustrations, Willie and Joe, fighting a terrible war, in the mud and rain and drudgery. “You’ll get over it Joe. Oncet I wuz gonna write a book exposin’ the army after the war myself.”

Journal(Charles Kemp). Short, really just a few notes.

Hell in a Very Small Place (Bernard Fall). The Battle of Dien Bien Phu. Horror, gallantry, mistakes, death in 1954.

The Battle of Dien Bien Phu (Jules Roy). Another account of Dien Bien Phu.

For the Sake of All Living Beings (John Del Vecchio). I vow to become enlightened for the sake of all living beings (Buddhist vow). This a novel about Cambodia, the war, the years zero.

To Bear Any Burden (Al Santoli). An oral history (Vietnamese and American) of the Vietnam War and its aftermath.

Everything We Had (Al Santoli). An oral history (American) of the Vietnam War.

Journeys Through Bookland (Charles Sylvester). I inherited several volumes of these well-illustrated old books (excerpts from classics) for boys from my father.

Treasure Island (Robert Louis Stevenson). I read this book many, many times. A great story.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (Mark Twain). Another great one.

Huckleberry Finn (Mark Twain). And yet another.

Tuna Fart Funnies (C Kemp). Notes from anatomy and Physiology – courses that were central to me in changing direction in my life.

Time Magazine on September 11, 2001.

Refugee and Immigrant Health (Charles Kemp & Lance Rasbridge). This was the first (shorter and limited) edition of this book.

Holy Bible, RSV. This is the Bible I used writing parts of the terminal illness books and related articles and chapters in other books.

At Khe Sanh


I Protest!(David Douglass Duncan). Dark photographs from Khe Sanh, Con Thien – all the bad places I was. Goddam, it was hard fighting in those places.

The Quiet American (Graham Greene). To me, this is a very realistic novel about Vietnam.

Infectious and Tropical Diseases (Tao Sheng Kwan-Gett, Charles Kemp, Carrie Kovarik). Put it in your backpack and head on into the edge.

The Lover(Marguerite Duras). A short, very beautiful book about a woman and a man in Vietnam.

River of Time: A Memoir of Vietnam (Jon Swain). A book about how “whole generations of westerners who went out there as soldiers, doctors, planters, or journalists lost their hearts to these lands of the Mekong … there are places that take over a man’s soul.”


There’s a lot of darkness in that list – and some hope and light hidden away in there. And obviously I read many other things, but those are the books that I thought and still think are most important to me. To everything, turn, turn, turn, there is a season.