Author: chaskemp

Career, part 3

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One of my partners in refugee work, Lance R. and I had written a print and internet guide to cross-cultural care (the state helped with our efforts). We used that as the basis for a book proposal and in 2004 our book, Refugee and Immigrant Health was published by Cambridge University Press. Again, a practical guide to providing care – in this case, to people from other cultures. Even before that book was out I began working with Tao S. and Carrie K. on a book on infectious diseases of refugees and immigrants. Tao (a pediatrician) and I met through our work with refugees and Carrie (a dermatologist) was a volunteer at Agape. Infectious and Tropical Diseases was published by Elsevier Science in 2006. A distinguishing characteristic of this book is the way it cross-references diseases, symptoms, and geographic areas to help clinicians generate a minimum of differential diagnoses. It also is cargo pocket size, so can be carried into primitive areas. Writing these two books so close together – along with working and volunteering – was very tiring to me. Photo: Vatos in the clinic

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A little more on Leslie: Who fights harder for humanity than Leslie? I’m not talking about abstract stuff – feelings and beliefs and so on, nor am I talking about the occasional kindness or being a usually nice person (though she is that). Leslie’s battles are real battles – big battles – for real people and there have been many. I’ll name a few, but far from all: Florence Jessie, Sang Van and her family, Lay Rith and her whole huge family, Yann Sorn, Yuon, Amalia Garcia, the woman with rheumatoid arthritis, Maria de la Cruz, James Smith, the Vietnamese man with schizophrenia, Cesar, the Honduran man with typhus, Clarence W. … And how many 100s of thousands of dollars in medical bills has she gotten forgiven? How many people has she gotten a same day appointment at wherever? I wrote on my website something like, “What is it like to be married to a real miracle-worker?” Well, the answer is that it usually is grand – especially when we’re working together. Of course I don’t think of Leslie all the time as a miracle worker. Sometimes I’m irritated, sometimes upset – but in reality, most of the time feeling happy and grateful. And always loved and loving (except when irritated).

Here is what I wrote about Leslie on the website in about 2004: What does it mean to be married to someone who really does do miracles? I can tell you. We started when we were 16 and here we are today, 45 years later. This from the dedication to my book on palliative care: I lay dreaming that I was in an outdoor marketplace, watching a group of musicians set up to play. One by one they began to tune, softly. Then in a soft clear voice, a woman sang the words, “Who knows … where the time goes …” and at that moment I awoke and said, “To Leslie.” A true vision. Our life of love and growth. Photo: Leslie in her natural habitat

Leslie had a dream in which she had 20 seconds to say who she is: “wife, mother, daughter, spent my life trying to help other people.”

I went back to school and in 2000 was certified as a family nurse practitioner. I continued teaching community health, and once again, integrated my work with teaching. Teaching and practicing at the Agape Clinic has been a wonderful and rewarding phase of my career. Leslie and I were working together again, and together, we took Agape from a Saturday medical clinic to a Wednesday through Saturday operation with these services …

Agape: Overview of Current Services (2006)

There are a number of free clinics doing wonderful work in the Dallas area. What makes Agape unique (locally and nationally) is the integration of comprehensive services in a medically underserved community, at a very low cost.

Primary Medical Care
The heart of all Agape services (and the means by which patients and community become involved in preventive and other health-oriented services) is primary care for people who are sick (5620 patients treated in 2003). Care includes medications, the average retail cost of which is $45.00/patient. Services are delivered by volunteer physicians, nurse practitioners, and students from Baylor, UT Southwestern, and other schools. Health problems treated at Agape include acute illnesses such as pharyngitis, urinary tract infections, and common skin disorders. Chronic health problems treated at Agape include asthma, hypertension, and diabetes. In addition to treating the more common primary care problems we provide specialty care, including pediatrics, dermatology, psychiatry, and women’s health.

Immunizations
Agape is the only site in Dallas providing immunizations on Saturdays year-round. This matters – a lot – because Texas ranks 46th in national immunization rates and Dallas is ranked even lower than Texas as a whole. Immunizations were in place when we started. Photo: Patients waiting in the hall

Community Health
In 2005 Agape has held five mammogram and other (hypertension, diabetes, asthma, etc.) screening events and is scheduled for a childhood vaccination and screening event. Screening is coupled with health teaching and all patients with positive findings receive follow-up. Through Agape’s partner, Baylor School of Nursing, weekly health-related classes are provided for parents at Zaragoza Elementary School (three blocks from Agape), as well as health classes for Zaragoza students. Baylor students also follow-up on complex patients and provide outreach to more isolated patients. Community partners such as Concilio Dallas offer weekly classes on diabetic self care and how to access CHIP and Medicaid.
Social Services
The health problems of many of Agape’s patients are worsened or complicated by a variety of other issues. From teaching people how to use private insurance to assisting people into the healthcare system, patient advocacy and assistance are key aspects of care at Agape.

Professional Education
Agape is a training/clinical and service-learning site for students from Baylor, University of Texas at Arlington, Texas Women’s University, University of Texas Southwestern Medical School, Dallas Theological Seminary, and other institutions.

Spiritual Care
Spiritual or partially spiritual crises identified and treated at Agape include family violence, poverty, injustice, isolation and a host of other chronic stressors. Through Agape’s partner, Creations of Faith, patients find a safe place for fellowship, prayer, Bible study, and therapy. In addition to care provided through Creations, Agape staff and volunteers pray with patients and give other spiritual care.

Community Development
The recent grant awarded by the Dallas Women’s Foundation brings to fruition ongoing work at Agape to advance the health of the community through community empowerment. Agape has a history of recruiting volunteers from the community served by the clinic (the community served thus becomes the community of solution). The Women’s Foundation grant allows us to train promotoras salud (lay health promoters) from the community to teach and assist patients in the clinic and the community.

Community Partners
Providing comprehensive care such as outlined above requires extraordinary cooperation among different organizations. Agape approaches relationships with other organizations from a working perspective (vs. endless meetings, networking, dialoging, and the like). Community partners include:
– The community itself … rest of list deleted

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So that’s it job-wise for me. Leaving the patients, students, Agape, and Baylor behind and looking to the Winds, Glacier, John Muir Trail, Asia. Life has been much richer than what I wrote above, but this was about my career and it has been a good and rewarding one. Photo: Sunrise, 1/1/2008, Big Bend

Working in the garden

Thursday and Friday I worked in the yard and garden – hired two men to haul and chop and cut, etc. Except for mowing, watering and the like, I’d let things go since last summer when we were in Asia. The yard and garden have been okay, just a little overgrown – except the back garden has been seriously neglected.

So after a great hike in Big Bend and a day of rest, I wanted to work outside. As retirement nears, my energy is picking up and I’m relaxing some.

After two long days, everything looks great, especially the back garden, which shows again the importance of good soil preparation. I worked very hard on the soil when I put the garden (back) in 7 or 8 years ago, and it shows. The roses seem to be fine. Iris are growing strong. Some herbs are doing well – oregano, sage, germander (whatever that is), mint, rosemary [native is by far the best], lemon grass, and something wonderfully fragrant, but I don’t know what it is. Some herbs have disappeared. Garlic is growing strong and lambs ears okay. In front the Texas Mountain Laurel is blooming prodigiously, purple and sweet.

Big Bend, 3/2008

Random thoughts:
– Desert backpacking demands clear communications about water. My mate Jeff said (with 1st hand experience), “Everything is a problem in the jungle.” Same in the desert.
– Take chewing gum next time.
– Dried mango from Central Market is really good in oatmeal with dry milk, sugar, and pecans.
– How about them Mexicans, coming across the desert with poor or no trails, tennis shoes, girlfriend, child! Amazing. David said, How about them Jews in the wilderness! Ranchers out here in the desert! How about them Cowboys! Lot of tough people.
– If you’re urinating more than once/12 hours, you’re drinking too much water. Just kidding.
– We went 3 days, 7-8 miles a day. I need to rest on the 4th day. I’m getting stronger, but have a ways to go. On this route, it’s important to start out early on the first day.
– I can’t wait to hike in places with water. Wash, carry 1-2 liters, have all I want.
– When you’re going to be driving a long way, before you leave, eat a jalapeño with your fingers and don’t wash your hands after you eat. When you get sleepy, just stick a finger in your eye. Just the idea of it kept me awake quite awhile on the way back. Photo: 1st campsite with late afternoon sun bright on the mountains and evening shadows falling over the campsite

This trip to Big Bend started in Houston where I’d gone for a two day primary care conference. I had lunch with David and his mentor, Judy. Thanks Judy! After a harrowing drive through dark hour/rush hour/driving rain in Houston traffic had dinner with David and his friend (and cellist), Lauren at a North Indian restaurant near the Rice campus. Very nice evening, crowned by not getting lost on the way back to the LaQuinta way out somewhere in north Houston. I was the only person there with a button-down collar shirt on and not driving a truck and not smoking. Friday I stayed at the conference as long as I could stand, then headed to David’s around 4pm. Photo: David & Lauren rehearsing

Lauren came over to practice a Beethoven viola/cello duet they’re working on. “But we did it like together and it was awesome” and so here I am in magicland listening to David and Lauren work their way through the duet. Young, serious musicians.
“Let’s do it again.” “OK, again.”
“Can you do it on the g string so you don’t have to shift so much?” “No.”
“Was I slow?” “Yeah.”
“Not bad.”
“Again.”

We left Houston a little later than planned, I under-estimated the driving time (with a little help from google), and I couldn’t stay awake driving late into the night so had to stop three times for fitful naps. Getting closer to the park we saw many jackrabbits and cotton tails beside the road and then saw two javelinas (“the only wild, native, piglike animal found in the United States”).

After getting a wilderness permit at the Basin, filling our water bottles, stashing some water at the Homer Wilson Ranch, and losing the map, we finally got on the trail around 10. Weather was beautiful, cool, sunny and the hike up to the pinnacles was stout. When we got to Boot Canyon, a ranger-type guy said (kind of smirkishly) that there was no water, but we looked a little further downstream and found a nice semi-stagnant pool. We missed the turn-off to Juniper Canyon, but doubled back a little way and started back up (panting) and then down down down until we came to what I guess was on old campsite 6-7 miles from the Basin and coming out of the mountains. Got the tent up and dinner fixed just as dusk fell. Had Italian pasta (Pasta Roni brand + a little added olive oil) with a packet of teriyaki tuna for dinner (good) and were in our bags by 7:15, which was just fine because we’d each had about an hour of sleep in the past 36 hours and had a good day’s hike at the end of the 36 hours. David said he thought my stamina was “pretty impressive” – which made me feel very good. Photo: Classic Big Bend – from our 1st campsite. From here we go down and into the desert in the center of the photo.

We both got up to pee at the same time and realized then we were camped in a kind of cirque with the mountains dark masses on three sides and the horizon and sky meeting black in Mexico on the 4th side and the stars like desert stars so many more than one sees in other places and the milky way really milky – part of the reward for hiking into the desert.

Got up 12 hours after lying down for the deepest imaginable sleep. Ahhh – not too sore or stiff, but LOL not not sore, either. Oatmeal with dried cranberries, dried mangoes, pecans, dry milk, and sugar for breakfast (of champions). Coffee me, tea David. Photo: DK In the tent

Broke camp and started off with more downhill to the floor of the desert, then a long level stretch and somewhere along the way David said something about warm Gatorade in the car and that’s when we realized there had been a serious miscommunication because I thought he had those two quarts of Gatorade in his pack. Instead of 8.5 liters, we had 6.5 liters between us. We started rationing what we had and the hiking got harder and we began to get thirsty and a little dehydrated – 20 seconds after drinking and swishing our mouths would be bone dry. We were down to 0.4 liter when we finally got to Fresno Creek, a small rivulet of okay water. Happy us! Drank the rest of our water and filled our bottles and platypus, straining the water through a t-shirt. After treating with iodine and neutralizer it was still cloudy. Oh well, at this point, no doubt about it, particles or iodine taste or cloudy no problem for me.

That 2nd night by Fresno Creek we spread a ground cover out and lay there a long time watching the stars come out. It seems like you’d blink or look off at one part of the sky and when your eyes opened or you looked back there would be more stars. I slept outside and David in the tent. I didn’t sleep as log-like as I did the first night, but every time I opened my eyes there was the sky, black and sparkling and not a sound. The last time I saw the sky like this was when we were climbing in Arches and Fisher Towers so long ago – good to be back! Photo: DK at Fresno Creek
Another great oatmeal breakfast and refilled our water and saddled up and hit that dusty trail again. There was a huge difference traveling with 6.5 liters of water vs. less than 2 cups. Oh, and it’s not as if we were in any great danger.

We drank extravagantly along the trail through the beautiful (in a desert sort of way) desert wilderness. I realized that we had seen one flower the entire time. We would see or hear a bird from time to time and I saw one of those lizards that runs on its hind legs – fast. Up and down, up and down, then a stretch along a dry, gravely creek and then more hills and behind the hills mighty ramparts like (as David said) castles. The trail is well-cairned and there’s only trail and as someone said, If you get off the trail you’ll know it soon enough because it’s all thorns.

Somewhere along the way we topped a hill and rested looking in front of us across the desert and behind us into a bowl in the sere hills rolling down to the place where we’d been. The desert stretches beyond where we can see and the thing is, I don’t know if you can drive to see something like this because what you see isn’t just that thing – there’s also the seer and the relationship to what’s seen and there’s no free rides to this.

As we, or maybe I should say, as I tired, David said, “Just over this hill is a river. With meadows. Green grass. And bunnies. Puppybunnies.” (Family term) Up and down, now traversing the hills and finally we saw a few people up on a ridge to our left (west), but didn’t attach significance to them. Then David said, “There’s a house ahead.” And I realized the people were probably at the overlook over the Homer Wilson ranch and when I saw the house, thought it was that ranch – then below the ridge we saw the bear box with our water in it. That felt good! Photo: Lingam near Fresno Creek

It was about 5 miles from there into the mountains and 3pm on day three we decided to walk up to the highway and hitchhike back to the Basin. The day short of water took it out of at least me, and I was not disappointed to skip the last leg. I’m stronger than I was Thanksgiving, but still have a way to go. Thanks to David for accommodating my slower pace. At least I don’t complain (if you don’t count moaning and groaning, puffing and panting, and so on).

We were hitching and a man stopped who only had room for one person and no packs. So I rode with him back to the Basin. He’s a retired school teacher from Long Island and a long-time outdoorsman. Since retiring he’s spent most of his time on the road in a pickup with a topper or scuba diving. I don’t have in mind as much time on the road nor am I interested in scuba diving, but there were plenty of similarities between us. We had a good time talking. I did feel some sadness thinking about being away from Leslie for a month or so while I hike in the Winds and Glacier. And I’m months from doing it. But in my mind, I am committed, and looking forward to answering the call … as John Muir put it:

“The mountains call
and I must go.”

The man took me right to our car – Thanks! I drove back and picked David up and we drove on out. As we pulled out of the Border Patrol checkpoint 40 or 50 miles up the road a javelina dashed out of the scrub, whirled around in the dirt beside the road and then shot across the road looking like a small, weird, narrow, hairy VW with little legs going as fast as they could. A “pig-like” creature. Driving through the scrub desert I thought about the hard lives that people out here lead and the people who’ve tried to tell their stories, Larry McMurtry, Robert Earl Keen, Willie Nelson, Pat Green …
When the sun hits it right on its way down, it was the prettiest thing in our little town.
Every hour I’d sneak a glance over at the plastic frame and cracked glass that holds the picture of Ruby’s two sad daughters.
Last mill closed when I was nine and Daddy left and Momma cried again, I spent my nights cleaning Ruby’s floors,
Just another café on a wind swept highway the farmers bitched, we’re no good at football anymore.

In this land that knows no laughter in this land that holds no water,
We were all in love with Ruby’s two sad daughters.

One went way out west, one went way wrong,
one left at seventeen and the other couldn’t wait that long.
Neither went anywhere with me, not to the games or the Dairy Queen.
Both split with the first boy who lied sweet and looked vaguely mean.

In this land that knows no laughter in this land that hold no water,
We were all in love with Ruby’s two sad daughters.

Why so pretty and forlorn, why so permanently blue
I guess ours wasn’t much of a kingdom to rule.

Now when the sun hits it right on its way down, it’s still the prettiest thing in our little town.
Every hour I sneak a glance over at the plastic frame and I fix the glass that holds the picture of Ruby’s two sad daughters.

Why did hope leave town with Ruby’s two sad daughters?

On the road again, stopping (where else) at the Dairy Queen in Ozona where a surly Hispanic kid lounged in a booth, eating french fries and sneaking kisses with the girl who had the headset on taking drive-through orders walking out pretending to do something for a customer and then stealing her moments in the booth. Across the desert with it’s big sky and big rigs lit up like houses at Christmas running smooth into the night, into the plains and into San Antonio. Hit fog, heavy at times between San Antonio and Houston. On the outskirts of Houston, getting really tired, there was a beautiful choral Easter mass on the radio, but we could have used something a little more lively … when the mass was over, the radio announcer said, “Next, a lute concerto by …” and we just cracked up and put on a country station. Got in about 3am. Showered – ahhh. I slept on the floor, we had breakfast tacos in the morning and I was on the road back to Leslie around 9am.

Walt Wilkins and the Mystiqueros singing Ruby’s Two Sad Daughters
I’ll post this trip report later at my backpacking page. New links:
http://jasonklass.blogspot.com/
http://www.trailgear.org/

Hangin’ on

My thoughts on retiring have been almost all negative, except for anticipating what comes next. All I could see was the stress of what amounts to almost two jobs, the inherent stresses of teaching and primary care, the never-endingness of the clinic, my diminished capabilities (slower, less stamina – I hit the wall usually around 2pm), the early deaths of my immediate family and the relationship of that to my probabilities of a long life (even with my healthier lifestyle, who would bet on a long life for me?) and with that in mind, the repulsiveness of working to the end (which wouldn’t be bad if I still loved what I do, but I don’t). Finally, this week I had growing glimmers and then a full re-realization of my appreciation for my work. I credit Leslie and my students.

Last week was terribly stressful, even ghastly in some respects, but Leslie, of course, was her faithful steadfast self and so I gradually turned away from the difficulties. And I finally figured out that my students have done a great job – they’ve probably been better students that I’ve been a teacher. We’ve been a good team – and this week, completely in-synch and doing an excellent job in the clinic, the school, on outreach.

Today, after work, walking along the railroad tracks, heading for the “big black bridge” where David and I spent so many magical hours
Walkin’ down the railroad track
Til you reach the river
Turn around and head on back
When the day is done
(now it’s 30 minutes out and 30 back), iPod going from Lightning Crashes to Oh God Our Help in Ages Past …

Time, like an ever-rolling stream,
bears all its sons away; they fly forgotten,
as a dream dies at the opening day.
O God, our help in ages past,
our hope for years to come,
be thou our guard while troubles last,
and our eternal home.

Today there were railroad cars on the tracks, which I haven’t seen in years – so that was real nice. Thinking about my students (don’t want to name them here) – people with strength, integrity, toughness, kindness, intelligence, motivation. A fair amount happened this rotation! In the end, I realized how good it’s been all along and I am grateful. This was a young group, and within that, extraordinarily mature, a good team, focused.

Today one of the students put on a fanny pack, cardigan, and stethoscope in a wonderful spoof – of someone. Another person stepped up with determination and competence over the last weeks and on the last day pushed her grade up a level, proving once again that it ain’t til it’s over. And there was someone who …
Gets it right.
Was behind at the end of the first week and then went to work and never looked back.
Blew it the first day and marched forward to a good place.
I knew I could depend on.
Found a treasure.
Showed up at exactly the right time.
Like a fellow veteran, has seen some action – blooded …
The list goes on …

A Marine

David and I flew DFW to San Diego for our friend, Chris’ graduation from Marine Corps Recruit Depot (MCRD San Diego). Got a hotel shuttle to the Howard Johnson’s where Shirin was staying, along with Chris’ brother George and his sister Jennifer. We went to dinner together – seafood, nice. In the morning it was raining hard, so we didn’t go to part of the outside graduation ceremony. MCRD was just a mile or so from the hotel, so it was a quick drive to the base.

My memory of MCRD is cloudy, except for exactly where I was way back then, so I didn’t have a lot of recognition – like I didn’t remember that all the buildings were painted yellow, but despite differences in utilities, the Marines looked exactly the same (more about that in a moment). One huge difference is that recruits are in barracks vs. the Quonset huts we had. The grinder (photo above) is exactly the same – a vast expanse of parade ground where countless recruits have sweated and learned. It was empty this day, wet, ghostly, cadence counted in my mind …

We walked through some buildings, some of which I remember and then we got to the yellow footprints! What fierce memories these footprints evoke!

But what affected me most on this momentous day was being among these true warriors. Everywhere I looked there were men ready to kill and die for this nation, our Corps, their comrades. They looked great – completely squared away, clear-eyed, strong, brave – warriors for the ages. It was good to see the drill instructors, too. Strong, hard, cruel – true avatars of the Warrior Spirit.

We and others were a little lost and a DI escorted us into the auditorium where the ceremony was to be held. Though he was completely polite, I knew the DI held a low opinion of us – sheep, unknowing, weak. The auditorium was the same as when I was in boot camp – where they had church services – which I liked because the seats were comfortable, no DIs and I could doze …

The recruits were sitting in the center of the auditorium, everyone with eyes straight ahead and DIs prowling the aisles. Some DIs and a couple of officers were on the stage and in the front of the auditorium. Then they cleared the stage and the company commander marched to the center of the stage and called the Marines to attention – “Prtoons, Aww-Ten-HUT!” Crash! They came to attention and the auditorium was silent. Then about 12 DIs and officers marched on to the stage and stood at attention in a V formation. They sat down, with some more or less at ease – but not the DIs, who would never be at ease in a ceremony. Colors were presented and the band played the National Anthem. There were several ceremonial actions (including asking all former Marines to stand – there were fewer than I expected) and Lt. Colonel Scott, the battalion commander spoke, and was followed by several more ceremonies (e.g., presentation of the Command to the Reviewing Officer). The band played the Marines’ Hymn, platoon guidons were retired, and the platoons were dismissed (photo above).

We went outside and eventually found Chris in the throng. He looked great – what a grand moment!

We went to the PX and Base Museum (We all went back to the hotel and then headed out to eat at a seafood restaurant. When Chris’ food arrived it was pretty funny to see the look on his face when he saw the small serving. In almost all of his letters he’s written about never having enough to eat in boot camp and here he was in an upscale restaurant looking at a huge plate with a little bit of shrimp artfully arranged in the center. In the end, though, I think he got enough to eat.

From the restaurant we walked to the Coronado bay Resort, an old-fashioned grand hotel, for coffee and dessert. One of the things that struck me about Chris during this time was the quiet dignity he showed in dealing with several civilian faux pas – and as I reflect on him, this is the way he is. But really, it was all good and day celebrating great achievement by Chris and I think we all were very happy to be with him. David was there and in addition to his other good qualities, is a good traveling companion. I had a good time talking with George and Jennifer and of course, Shirin is a good friend.

On the way home on the plane, Chris told some MCRD stories. Some pretty brutal and some cruel and most funny – to me, anyway, but maybe not to everyone. Some random and unfair things happen at boot camp. And that’s the nature of war, isn’t it – random, cruel, unfair, and the hardest thing (un)imaginable. Some recruits don’t make it and some may be broken. There is no easier, kinder or gentler way to forge the world’s elite fighting force.

One of the things we talked about on this day was that at MCRD and to a lesser extent, San Diego, it is nothing unusual to be a Marine (although, a number of people in San Diego congratulated Chris – clearly a new Marine). But once out of that small environment, being a Marine is uncommon. Chris is part of a small and distinguished group of brave men.

CONGRATULATIONS, MARINE

Tet, ideas

Today we met Ron & Melinda for lunch at Bistro B, for Tet. We thought there would be big crowds, but no, and no dancing either. Last year it was seriously rockin’. In a wonderful coincidence we were sitting next to a young man who said, “Melinda?” He was one of the scouts that Ron and Melinda led, mentored, and in some cases, saved way back when in the 1980s – the “Blue Dragons” law enforcement explorers. Ron (TAC sniper & do-gooder) ran the East Dallas police storefront back then and did scout stuff. Melinda was teaching at Spence Middle School (tough place) and doing scout and ESL things. Leslie was managing contracts and volunteering huge numbers of hours with Cambodian refugees. I was teaching and starting the East Dallas Health Coalition. Those were the days. Often when we go out to eat we run into someone from those bad old, good old days.

Lunch was good and when we walked out of the restaurant we could hear the drums around the corner and there were the lion dancers in front of Hong Kong Market. So we had a great time there, too. We’re into the crowds more than the dancers and of course there was a good crowd and the drums/cymbals intense and I looked across the way and saw Leslie and that made me happier and as it all came to an end the dance master gave Leslie a blessing, a little magic. And, Michael, the manager at Bistro B told me there will be a big party next Sunday – See you there!

Ideas 2008: (If I retire in May) 5/08 – 7/08 Leslie & I to HKG, BKK, Pakse or maybe Chiang Mai, BKK (meet DK) and on to Hanoi, Sapa and slow travel down through Hue, Saigon and on to Phnom Penh, back to BKK, maybe Chiang Mai, HKG, home. Pocket-Buddy. Home for a month. Then 8/15/08 – 10/08, 1-2 weeks each place, working my way southward (backpack planning page): Glacier, Wind Rivers, RMNP, and back home. Hopefully DK in for the first part, then Jeff. But we’ll see – I’m committed regardless. 10/08 … work on squaring away house. Thanksgiving Sierra Club to Big Bend and maybe BB again New Year. Of course if DK is going to be in California … what if? John Muir Trail?! In Asia it will be hard to maintain my current level of fitness, much less ramp it up as needed for a major trek. Just grandiose wandering at the moment – part of JMT. OR, what if on east coast? Maybe walk small part of AT.

By now … Leslie, cycling Asia fall when it’s cooler, desert early spring, US more travel summer, backpacking Aug-October as long as I can.

2009: 2/09 Grand Canyon and then to Asia for a few months, slooowwwwin’ it down. 8/09 – 9/09 John Muir Trail – meet Leslie in San Francisco, pretty good shower after 30 days on the trail (Oh, I’ve had some good showers over the years). Easing on down northern Cali – 2 days here, 10 days there OR, slow ride north – northern Cali, Oregon, Washington, BC – to Vancouver and take Air Asia to Macau … “Come along Little Susie, come along.”

What if I drop dead a day or two from now? “Oh how sad, he had so many plans …” Nope, we’re just repeating things we know are good, changes here and there, but not things undone.

Justice & Mercy


How much profanity and cursing do you think I’ve heard, what with the Corps and all!? But one time …

I was in the Parkland Psychiatric Emergency Room, in one of the little interview rooms with a woman, her daughter, her granddaughter, and one of my students. Their story was that the grandmother had learned that her husband was molesting her granddaughter – just as he had molested her daughter. “He’s not going to get away with it again, God-damn him.” The room froze – not just the people, but the air, the temperature, the everything, froze like sharp-edged ice, and then it all broke apart and I realized, with a deep chill, that the woman had just done a real and formal curse: he was already damned, but now formally and truly damned.

Another day a man having suicidal thoughts came in. Actually, every day, people with suicidal thoughts came in. I remember this man because of his story: he was going to kill himself the previous night, but didn’t because he didn’t want his children to wake to that. Then he was going to kill himself when he awoke, but he had to fix breakfast for his children, then he was going to take his children to school and come home and do it but after he dropped his children at school he drove to the Parkland ER instead, where he was cared for and released in time to pick his children up from school. Those were the days when Doug P. was Chief of Emergency Psychiatry and what a decent person and incredibly skilled psychiatrist he was.

A woman came to the clinic last week, crying, looking for help because her daughter’s teacher said in front of her daughter’s class that her daughter smelled bad. The mother wanted someone to smell her daughter and write a letter saying that she did not smell bad. I don’t know the details of how Leslie handled it, but she did handle it – involving the school, of course. And so, the woman found a place that really did help her and her daughter. Where else could she have gone?

All these people, except one, found mercy.

Gunnery Sergeants

I met someone a few weeks ago whose brother is a Gunnery Sergeant in Force Reconnaissance. I was staggered – I’ve never before met anyone (outside of the Corps) with a relative who is (1) a Gunny and (2) in Force Recon. And it turns out he was also a drill instructor. I had a difficult time articulating – even to myself, much less anyone else – why I was so deeply affected. But I was and I am. I think I understand my reaction a little better now.

First, the obvious: The Marine Corps is America’s elite fighting force – warriors whose story will be told for millennia. Force Recon is the elite of the elite – the razor point of a deadly spear. You can go no higher among warriors than this. Navy Seals, Delta Force, and all that are elite, but they (1) are copies of Force Recon and (2) have PR machines cranking away to sell their story to others. Number 1 is a good thing, but there is no honor in #2.

Second, also obvious: There are few Gunnery Sergeants, a rank unique to the Corps. I had two Gunnies. Gunny Evans was beyond words. He had what seemed like supernatural powers – utterly fearless, able to see in the dark, needing no sleep, physically overpowering, and dangerous to everyone. Once at the DMZ I was on the right flank point in a balls-to-the-wall gunfight with an NVA machine gun emplacement when out of the woods to the left of the enemy gun came Gunny Evans, carrying a wounded Marine! How in hell did he get there? The other Gunny I had was Gunny White, who was weapons platoon commander for much of my time with 1/26. Gunny White was loved as much as Gunny Evans was feared. Fearless, squared away, a true warrior, but not dangerous (to us, anyway). Both of these men would have given their lives in a heartbeat for me or any other Marine. Certainly they risked their lives on a regular basis for us – as we did for them.

Third, (I asked myself) what possible difference could it make what someone’s relative does or is? Being a Marine doesn’t just affect the person – it also affects the family. Green skivvy shorts jokes aside, it is not nothing to be a family member in a Marine family – nor easy, I expect. David’s friend Chris is at MCRD, and I sense a change in his mother – a change having to do with pride and fear. Photo: Football player, “It’s a war out there on the field.” Yeah, I know that’s right. This photo from the DMZ, 1966 – nobody was saying, “It’s a football game up there on the ridge.”

But here is what clarified this for me. This morning at Bible study, one of the men, Rick G., talked about going to the store yesterday evening and being unable to find a parking place. He noticed a lot of preteen and teen girls milling around and he later learned they were waiting for Paris Hilton to show up for a movie event. This from the Dallas Morning News:

“’We love you Paris!’ screamed the tween girls into the cold, dark air outside the Regent Highland Park Village movie theater. Little did they know that it would be nearly another hour before the object of their affection would make their girliest of dreams come true.

That was the scene from the freezing red-carpet premiere of The Hottie & the Nottie, a movie …”

Obviously one wouldn’t expect Highland Park girls to have much of a clue about much of anything, but guess what, they didn’t get that way on their own (and most of them, their freakazoid parents brought them to see Paris Hilton, well-known porn star). We live in a weak, self-indulgent, celebrity worshipping culture that thinks people like Tony Romo, John Wayne, Tom Brokaw, Terrell Owens, Madonna, Paris Hilton, and so on are somehow special, even heroic. Well, they are entertaining, some of them, anyway, but there is no athlete, no entertainer, no celebrity in America worthy of a fraction of the respect due this Gunnery Sergeant – or any other U.S. Marine. So I met someone whose brother is among the bravest of the brave, a warrior among warriors, A Man.

El Ghetto, Hong Kong of course, chair

I wrote a few days ago about various routes I’m taking on my 5-6 days/week walks in the neighborhood. I forgot to mention that 5 minutes toward downtown and on the other side of the Santa Fe tracks there is a barrio. David & I used to ride our bikes over here – there’s a good sno-cone place a couple of streets over across the street from Cano’s Fruteria.

It’s mostly houses, most 2 bedroom, 1 bath frame houses – many with add-on rooms and when people inherit a little money they build a brick fence and when they inherit more money they brick up their homes. Many of the houses have fences around the front yards, mostly chain link, some iron, a few picket or brick, usually with pathways worn by dogs into the dirt along the inside of the fence and I’m walking along listening to my iPod kind of keeping an eye on the two mastiff/junkyard dogs standing on the corner kind of keeping an eye on me AH CHA! A dog hits the fence 2 feet from where I’m walking – Bam, full speed, never a sound until he hits the fence then all kinds of snarling and carrying on. So much for walking around here with an iPod distracting me. Lots of pickup trucks, vans, etc. around here – in my mind I can hear the dispatcher saying, “Four Latin males, late teens, 20s, wearing dark hoodies …” Someone wrote in the concrete of the sidewalk, “El Ghetto.”

Leslie asked me the other night after we were in bed, if I thought about traveling as I went to sleep. Of course the answer was yes and when she asked if any place in particular, it turned out my answer was the same as hers: Hong Kong. This despite recent favorite places including Luang Prabang, Chiang Mai, Saigon … still Hong Kong, the first place we went in 1978 is the place we think of.

Showing conclusively that this is a personal journal … The chair – which belonged to Leslie’s grandmother – has a Karen (from Burma) textile draped over. On the shelves by the chair, books on travel and backpacking, empty Tabasco bottles and a Koon Yick bottle from journeys past. There are some Cambodian lime boxes, a hill tribe betel box, photos of Vietnam and Cambodia, thanka on one side of the door, Karen fabric on other, two monk’s bags – one from Moulmein, the other (from Lance) from around Battambang, books, a painting of Angkor Wat, more betel paraphernalia, blades (mounted – two khukris and African war blade in center, above are a kris, a Cambodian rice knife, a hill-tribe blade, and a Burmese everyday blade), backpack ready for Big Bend, David’s viola, someone else’s cello. David’s tennis, music, track and fencing trophies, etc. are scattered on the shelves. To the left of the small thanka and partially obscured by the cello is a katha – a Khmer talisman. At the top right corner is a small bottle of black sand from the beach of Iwo Jima. On the two shelves to the right of the thanka are books that I hope David will keep – Dispatches, Street Without Joy, books I’ve written (Terminal Illness, Refugees & Immigrants, Infectious Diseases), Hell in a Very Small Place, Never So Few, Barrack Room Ballads, Treasure Island, The Stones Cry Out, Monday Night Class, Tom Sawyer, etc. Out of sight to the right of the chair (to your left if sitting in the chair) is a table made from a blue and white Chinese pot we got from my Mom. It has a glass top and inside is a Burmese alms bowl made of lacquer. I don’t recall what’s in the bowl. There is a Burmese lacquer box on the table – inside are some inexpensive jade pieces, some images in a silk bag, a set of Burmese brass weights (in tikals?), vial of patchouli oil, cotton and silk cord that I got at the amulet market in Bangkok and from a place in Chiang Mai. Also on the table is a set of good Tibetan cymbals and a small old Chinese cloisonné saucer used as a coaster.