Spiritual care at the end of life and across religions and cultures

Here is what two of my community health students wrote re connecting across religions (Christianity and Islam) and cultures (Western and East African) with a young woman dying from breast cancer. This is from about 10 years ago – all names changed. The students worked in two-person teams. The below words are one of the high points of my career.

Big Sur sunset

Margaret: “I think we were able to form/recognize a spiritual connection this week.  Lucy was sitting on something that looked like a blanket, and I asked Nabila what it was – she told me they were their prayer mats.  So, we started talking about prayer – how we pray, things we pray for – and then, there was a warm pause – not an awkward, uncomfortable silence, but one that communicated something.  I smiled and was comforted that Maryam and Nabila have this source of power and encouragement.  I like to think that we pray to the same God.  Even though we may sometimes pray and practice in different ways, we are still able to share our burdens and find peace in a spiritual being – what a comfort to know that Maryam and Nabila can experience this.

They have changed my life…really…this is one of the first times that I have really formed a relationship with a hurting person, who is not in my usual circle…  This habit, this choice (to choose to love people in this way) can be a part of my daily life – a reality that I want so badly.  And, I have been blessed.  I think about them all the time, and hope that I will not just think but do.”

Lucy: “This week with Maryam was very emotional and deep.  On Wednesday we were able to really talk to her about how discovering she had cancer made her feel.  She actually almost started to cry and it took all I had to hold back the tears.  It’s amazing how much she is opening up to us as we spend more time with her.  I am so glad that we got an opportunity to talk about important issues like what she expects out of life these next few weeks…  I didn’t feel it was the right time to attempt to explain the path of her cancer and that it will lead to death.  I think everyone has the right to embrace illness and death at their own pace and I think Maryam will come to that in time.  So Wednesday was a very emotional day for me because we talked about the “valley of the shadow of death” and that is never easy.  Thursday was a much easier day and we talked about some fun things.  I am amazed at how universal conversations are for women and how much fun it is sitting with Maryam, Nabila, and Margaret laughing and sharing our lives together.”

Near La Honda – looking down on the fog